I have something a little off-brand this time, but I think it intersects enough with NEETdom to be relevant. I’ll cover my top hentai games. If this isn’t what you guys want to see I won’t keep pursuing this though, so make sure to voice your opinions in the comments or even emailing me directly. Although if you’re in the semen-centric nofap cult I’m not interested. Nofap is a feminist psy-op. Think about it. When are you more likely to simp: before or after you fap? The truth is most of the “irrational behavior” of women becomes entirely understandable when you recognize they haven’t had an orgasm in years. Men become just as impulsive and emotional when we haven’t had an orgasm in a long time. In an effort to level the figurative playing field, feminists launched a covert campaign to trick men into behaving this way via the myths and pseudoscience surrounding nofap. How’s that for gender equality?
Anyway, you’d think it’d be easier to find good hentai games these days, but frankly, most of them suck. They’re mostly either those uncanny valley 3D games, flash animations that are only games insofar as you can change the speed/type of the animation with buttons, way-too-wordy-for-a-twenty-minute-fap-sesh visual novels, or games where the sexual content is so far removed from the game mechanics you’re better off jacking off then playing a non-erotic game. Here are the top 5 games I think do the best job at being erotic games/toys as opposed to hentai with a supplemental reading assignment or turn-based RPG. Some of these can be a bit tricky to find or require some advanced-NEET-tier website navigation to avoid getting a virus, so click each game’s title for a link to the game itself. If you haven’t yet already due to a serious case of being a boomer, install Ublock Origin. For most of the games you will need to install a standalone flash player for your operating system (this works for Windows XP and up). Feel free to run everything through https://virustotal.com, but really, you can trust me.
1. Super Deepthroat
It’s over a decade old and it’s still the best porn game around. I even prefer it to the VR porn I’ve tried. It’s not just because facefucking is the easiest sexual act to replicate with a mouse (consider the mechanics of holding a woman’s head and moving it back and forth) but the massive community contributing so much to the original game over the years. The link I provided only contains a tiny fraction of the content so I implore you to find stuff to cater to your personal tastes at the Super Deepthroat forum. It’s not as active as it used to be, but it’s still active. I included in the provided link some mods, costumes, and hairstyles that suit my personal tastes, but there are a small enough number of them to not take more than a minute to load everything up. However, I fear the relative unintuitiveness of playing Super Deepthroat is the main culprit for its surprising obscurity, so at the risk of being too patronizing here’s a quick tutorial:
- Download and extract SDT.zip then download the relevant flash player exe for your system (here is how to get the stand alone flash players for Windows, Mac, Linux).
- Click the flash player exe and use it to open the Loader.swf file in the unzipped SDT folder.
- Wait for everything to load, then go into the Super Deepthroat menu by pressing “i” on your keyboard, go to the Modding tab, Load the Char List Backup file “666 Sucking Whores.sdt” (it might appear like it freezes at this point, but just give it 15 seconds).
- Now is probably a good time to familiarize yourself with the controls and options and start playing vanilla Super Deepthroat. And while vanilla is still fantastic, wait there’s more.
- Press “F2” on your keyboard, when prompted to load a file navigate to the “SDT/animtools_positions” folder and try out any of the positions that catch your eye. I’m partial to the Korra slave one but also the handjob on chair one.
- If you want to try out some of the other dialogues, go to the Modding in the menu again, when prompted to load a file, navigate to the “SDT/dialogues” folder and try some dialogue choices. You can edit them to your liking and even write your own from scratch pretty easily!
It seems like a lot when I write it all out like that, but it’s definitely worth it. Technically, this is more of a toy than a game because there’s no real win condition, although there are apparently even mods I haven’t tried that turn it into a proper game. Like any toy, it’s up to you to make up your own games. Personally? I count it as a “win” when I make the 2D girl pass out and cum down her unconscious throat. Oh, and don’t be fooled by imitators like Super Deepthroat 2, it’s made by fans and it sucks (in a bad way). Will there be more? Probably not. There’s a rumor the original creator is dead and his original blog hasn’t been updated in nearly a decade.
Graphics: A rank. Only not S rank because you need an absurdly fast computer to run it at 60 fps for more than a minute due to poor optimization of flash and the game itself. Still, its incredible the variety of 2D women (or men, or whatever else you could imagine) you can make with such a simple GUI tool.
Sound: S rank. While you can you download plugins to give the character different sounds and fully voiced dialogue lines, I find the default gagging and breathing more than sufficient.
Writing: A rank. While there are a few stand-out dialogue options, they aren’t all winners and generally there tend to be too many immersion breaking typos. But it’s not like anyone was getting paid for this so it’s kind of unreasonable to be too harsh.
Mechanics: S rank. Nothing else on this list comes close, to reiterate, because of the aforementioned similarity of using your hand to force a woman’s head back and forth to moving a mouse back and forth.
Cummies: S rank. It’s the little touches, like how a single tear rolls down when she learns you won’t let her breathe or how she occasionally grits her teeth preventing you from facefucking her that make this a true masterpiece. I don’t even use half the default settings. This is actually what got me into hentai in the first place and in the 7 years I’ve been using it, it hasn’t lost its luster one bit.
Best Girl: Tifa Lockhart. fite me
2. Slave Lord of the Galaxy AKA Slave Lord 3
This is my personal favorite of the PinkTea’s Slave Lord series. They’re all at least decent, but PinkTea didn’t really hit his stride until this entry to the series. Besides, it’s the most in-depth and longest entry so far. They’re all essentially resource management games where you balance the money your slave makes for you, with her well-being and her mental state. Push her too hard and she’ll break (which can be fun in its own right). Don’t push her enough and not only will she never obey your commands for doing advanced sex on you, you’ll never make enough money to buy the fancier toys.
Graphics: B rank. I found the art pretty average for hentai. It also loses points for the large portion of alien girls. Hey, I’m open-minded but Chanticleer (the name of my legendary cock) doesn’t seem too fond. Not unlike the heart, the dick wants what it wants.
Sound: A rank. It seems most of the sound is ripped from Japanese porn. Even if JAVs aren’t your cup of tea, it really fits these anime girls perfectly. Unlike Super Deepthroat, it’s a bit easier to notice the audio looping which can break immersion.
Writing: A rank. There’s nothing quite as satisfying as gradually breaking down a resistant woman into a sex slave. There is also a meta-narrative of the protagonist himself becoming a legendary slave trader. I’m not a huge fan of the later writing, especially act 3 when you turn into a woman (presumably because some wealthy tranny donated a sufficient amount of money to the game creator).
Mechanics: A rank. This game undoubtedly does a great job of “really making you feel like a slave lord.” Jokes aside the way you balance stuff like kisses and slaps and withholding food is intricate enough to keep you interested for a while, but once you figure out the pattern it gets old. If you choose not to cheat and unlock everything from the start, some of the minigames you have to play are terrible So why give this game such a high rank? It’s all about the slaps. Select Discipline and Spank (after you unlock it) and start hitting your slave with a variety of tools. This is where everything comes together and definitely the part I keep coming back to.
Cummies: A rank. Again, it’s all about the little things. The way your slave looks at you pleading when you start hitting her or the way her legs tremble as she recovers from your spanks are enough to give this a high rank alone. I can’t in good conscience give it an S rank here just because, even though you have the option to unlock everything if you cheat, if you don’t you’ll spend so much time unaroused with all the extra grinding you have to. I probably would’ve given this a lower rank if that cheat option was not available.
Best Girl: Layla. Not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that best girl is the very first one you get.
3. HuniePop
This is probably the most well-known entry on this list, and for good reason. It definitely has the highest production values of anything on the list and is the most financially successful commercial product. It’s mostly a traditional visual novel game with a twist: you actually need some thought and dexterity to unlock the sex scenes because they’re behind a match-3 puzzle game. This is not a new idea by any means, but in my opinion it’s the most well-done entry into this subgenre of porn games. A sequel is apparently coming, but the creator hasn’t released a firm release date yet.
Graphics: C rank. Not super-horrible, but the wideness of the eyes is definitely a little uncanny valley. I somehow got used to it eventually though.
Sound: S rank. They really went all out with the voice actresses in this game. Each of the heroines are fully voiced for nearly all their dialogue and obviously the sex scenes. I just wish there were was more sex!
Writing: B rank. The writing itself is decent, but they spend too much time on the flirting and build-up for my taste. That could be just what you’re looking for though.
Mechanics: A rank. This may be controversial. How can what is essentially a puzzle game tacked onto a visual novel possibly meet the criteria I outlined earlier? Maybe it’s just because I played this game on weed but with a little imagination the puzzle scenes actually are tied pretty closely to the dating. Each type of puzzle tile (talent, flirtation, passion, romance, and sexuality) represents a different strategy one would use on a date. When you get a combo, you can imagine taking actions that combine the different strategies. Say for instance you combined 3 flirtation tiles. I imagine the protagonist commenting on the girl’s appearance. If you made a sandwich combo with two talent tiles and romance tile, I imagine the protagonist singing a romantic song during the date. I’m not sure if the gamedev intended this because the heroines never have very unique responses when you execute different kinds of combos; all I know is thinking about it this way increases my enjoyment of the game. Then there are the sex scenes. In order to make the girl orgasm you have to basically complete the same puzzle game on a time limit at a progressively faster speed. While it’s not physically similar to actual sex, I actually found it mentally similar. There’s no tutorial. You just start doing stuff. As you enter a flow state (of playing the match-3 game) her moaning gets louder and louder until she finally cums. It’s good stuff. And you can actually fail at sex too! How realistic…
Cummies: B rank. This game puts you through a lot before you can actually cum to it, but sometimes the challenge improves the experience. There’s something to be said for delayed gratification. Having that long build-up really does contribute to a more powerful orgasm and requiring some actual skill to make her cum boosts the amount of dopamine you receive.
Best Girl: Audrey. Don’t judge me.
4. Princess Pipe Trapped
From developer CreamBee this is my personal favorite of his work, but again, I implore you to check out the rest of his content. I knew his work would be right up my alley when I read this quote in his bio: “I believe that gameplay can be designed based on sexual desire, rather than parodying our current notions of gaming.” Like Super Deepthroat, this is technically more of a toy than a game.
Graphics: S rank. I really like this art style and I’ve always been a fan of the Nintendo princesses as well as spitroasting. There is a fair amount of variation in your options too. You can even make her into a futa if that’s your fetish.
Sound: C rank. Definitely not this toy’s strong suit, but serviceable enough.
Writing: N/A. There is no writing, although it could be argued that the best erotic writing is no writing at all making it a low-key S rank.
Mechanics: B rank. While CreamBee definitely does good job of sticking to his aforementioned core design philosophy, this particular toy is pretty limited. The heroines have fairly juicy reactions to you “pinching” their ass and nipples, and for some reason sticking your virtual dick in their various holes has a satisfying feel. Unlike Super Deepthroat you don’t move those mouse to move your penis which earned this one a demerit from me.
Cummies: B rank. The way the heroine reacts with surprise when you rip off her panties or grits her teeth when you put it in her ass take this one a long way. I guess the reason why I don’t use it that much is there isn’t enough stuff to do. But sometimes keeping it simple is best. It’s also not quite sadistic enough for my taste and I’m personally pretty aural sexually, which doesn’t quite jive with merely sufficient sound design.
Best Girl: Princess Peach. Can’t go wrong with the OG. Well, I guess Pauline was actually first, but not the hat-wearing version from Odyssey that’s present in this game.
5. Waifu Sex Simulator
While it’s designed for VR, you don’t necessarily need VR to enjoy it anyway. Again, this is more of a toy than a game. You download the program and the 32 GB of assets, then play around with them, selecting the waifus you want, the poses you want them in, and the audio you want them to generate. There also seem to be mods for implementing written dialogue but I never tried them. This is definitely the title on here that is the most niche and not just because it’s VR.
Graphics: A rank. I credit this with making me tolerant of 3DCG porn. So many of the models are lovingly crafted. Of course, the 3D anime girls mostly look too uncanny, but the video game and cartoon girls look pretty good in my opinion. It’s certainly good enough to be used to make a lot of the 3D porn videos you see these days.
Sound: C rank. Like Slave Lord most of the included default sounds are ripped from JAVs. It’s pretty easy to add new ones, but many of the premade positions are meant to work with the default sounds. When it works it’s great, but just a little
Writing: N/A. Same deal as Princess Pipe Trapped.
Mechanics: C rank. It’s downright painful to learn how to use and there will be a lot of trial and error even if you can read Japanese. Worse yet, if you don’t want to use a default scene you’ll probably require 1-2 hours of dick not in hand to get everything set up how you want. However, once you get a scene set up and save it, you can jump right into your custom scene. The defaults scenes are pretty good to their credit.
Cummies: C rank. Once the novelty wears off and you’ve created all the custom scenes you want, it’s really not that different from standard video porn. And boy, it is trouble to get those custom scenes set up. So why include it at all? I would be remiss not including it at all because it really is more like an S rank for the first 10 hours, with a rank lowering every 10 hours after that. From what I tried it is the best VR porn game/toy, even better than the paid ones, at least for my purposes. It absolutely CAN be incredible but the fact is I play this the least by far.
Best Girl: Gwen Tennyson. She’s not usually my type but I really was drawn to her model in this app. Note that not all models are created equal and some have more tweakable “expression points” than others. Better brush up on your Japanese though…
Ignore the puritans: fapping is your right as a NEET. But make sure to fap responsibly. If you have housemates, remember to lock your door and use headphones. Consider investing in a fleshlight. Just like you shouldn’t consume too much of one type of food, make sure you’re keeping your information (including porn) consumption balanced. But at the end of the day any time you enjoy yourself is time not wasted. Happy fapping!
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